My little corner of unreal-estate.

Best way to motivate me?

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 06:32:28 GMT

Telling me that my goal is unaccomplishable (by me).

I really kind of resent that, and come to badly want to prove them wrong.

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 19:06:24 GMT

I really need the ability to expand/collapse paragraphs in some word processing software, and doesn't currently have MS Word at my disposal. Is there anything free out there that can do it?

Tue, 14 Jul 2009 05:23:07 GMT

For a while I've been somewhat aware of some of my issues. I lumped a bunch of them broadly under "control issues"; that I didn't know how to relax, be spontaneous, stop thinking so much about everything and just talk more.

Now, I've recently started looking specifically for ways to try and attack this issue, and I know those issues are present and relevant; being completely uncontrolled and powerless is one of the few things that specifically scares me. But I've started to realize that some of my issues that I'm affixing to that problem have another origin entirely.

I am completely embarrassed to make any kind of self-expression. Singing, dancing, letting others read my writing, see anything I draw, reacting to things with relevant and noticeable enthusiasm... to the point where I even feel embarrassed dancing in a locked, windowless room. I get terribly anxious about any kind of criticism of my expressions, I am preoccupied with expecting unilaterally negative responses to any of it, and so cut it off, hide it, and only bring it out halfway when I can shroud it in antipathy, to establish for myself disregard for the opinions of others by devaluing to myself as extremely as I can establish anyone who might criticize me. I suspect this goes all the way back to being a shy oblivious sheltered elementary schooler; with no friends, regularly made fun of, and utterly unable to understand the jokes at my expense. And so now I refrain from giving strangers anything I could care about which I could potentially be made fun of for. I hide most of myself from any kind of group, automatically, subconsciously.

I think this is going to be somewhat more complicated to do something about than the control issues.

American Gods

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 23:58:57 GMT

""I can believe things that are true and I can believe things that aren't true and I can believe things where nobody knows if they're true or not. I can believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and Marilyn Monroe and the Beatles and Elvis and Mister Ed. Listen - I believe that people are perfectible, that knowledge is infinite, that the world is run by secret banking cartels and is visited by aliens on a regular basis, nice ones that look like wrinkledy lemurs and bad ones who mutilate cattle and want our water and our women. I believe that the future sucks and I believe that the future rocks and I believe that one day White Buffalo Woman is going to come back and kick everyone's ass. I believe that all men are just overgrown boys with deep problems communicating and that the decline in good sex in America is coincident with the decline in drive-in movie theaters from state to state. I believe that all politicians are unprincipled crooks and I still believe that they are better thatn the alternative. I believe that California is going to sink into the sea when the big one comes, while Florida is going to dissolve into madness and alligators and toxic waste. I believe that antibacterial soap is destroying our resistance to dirt and disease so that one day we'll all be wiped out by the common cold like the Martians is War of the Worlds. I believe that the greatest poets of the last century were Edith Sitwell and Don Marquis, that jade is dried dragon sperm, and that thousands of years ago in a former life I was a one-armed Siberian shaman. I believe that mankind's destiny lies in the stars. I believe that candy really did taste better when I was a kid, that it's aerodynamically impossible for a bumblebee to fly, that light is a wave and a particle, that there's a cat in a box somewhere who's alive and dead at the same time (although if they don't ever open the box to feed it it'll eventually just be two different kinds of dead), and that there are stars in the universe billions of years older than the universe itself. I believe in a personal god who cares about me and worries and oversees everything I do. I believe in an impersonal god who set the universe in motion and went off to hang with her girlfriends and doesn't even know that I'm alive. I believe in an empty and godless universe of casual chaos, background noise, and sheer blind luck. I believe that anyone who says that sex is overrated just hasn't done it properly. I believe that anyone who claims to know what's going on will lie about the little things too. I believe in absolute honesty and sensible social lies. I believe in a woman's right to choose, a baby's right to live, that while all human life is sacred there's nothing wrong with the death penalty if you can trust the legal system implicitly, and that no one but a moron would ever trust the legal system. I believe that life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you're alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it."

-Gaiman, American Gods, pg 394

Scientific study...

Thu, 21 May 2009 22:21:13 GMT

http://www.deanradin.com/papers/love_study_2008.pdf

Heard about this on NPR. Statistically significant, and has been reproduced.

tl;dr, under at least some conditions, you can affect people in measurable ways just by thinking about them.

Fri, 01 May 2009 19:45:11 GMT

YAY. I have health insurance, at least for now, and will have allergy meds, so I will be able to breathe this month! I was concerned for a bit there...

Poem meme

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 05:07:45 GMT

When you see this, post your favorite poem in your journal.

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought --
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
-Lewis Carroll

Chosen because I don't know a hell of a lot of poetry, but have yet to care to memorize any other. Course, I haven't actually memorized this, but I one point I cared to, which still puts it in the lead.

Amusing dreams

Fri, 16 Jan 2009 17:03:06 GMT

I'm losing memory of it quickly, but I was trying to assassinate the king, or something, and I, and the two people working with me failed, so then we were trying to catch and stop the other person in the palace trying to assassinate the king, so we could prevent them from being caught now that we'd screwed up and tipped off the guards.

Random bits include the fact that apparently I'd met the other assassin at Lafeyette for some reason, I cast Dimension Door from a scroll to escape (whereupon time was frozen until I ran through the whole palace to the place where I'd targeted the spell, and resumed when I arrived), and Obama made a random cameo appearance, standing on the porch of the palace while I was running by.

Christmas presents

Fri, 26 Dec 2008 21:24:04 GMT

Furniture
My big present was a really nice coffee table; about 2' tall, 3' diameter, round, with a top that swivels to the side to reveal a storage compartment inside it, plus 4 throw pillows to sit at it on. My living room has a low ceiling, so I asked for a low table and cushions for it, in hopes it'd make the room feel bigger. So yay, getting what I asked for!

Tools
Apparently my father was on a tool kick, he gave me a toolbox, set of screwdrivers, and 3 pairs of pliers.

Toys and games
A couple D&D miniatures, a wii game (some RPG named Baroque)

Books
The Zombie Survival Guide, World War Z, the Forgotten Realms Campaign Guide, Under a Velvet Cloak

Clothes
3 dress shirts, 2 pairs of corduroy pants, a bunch of socks and underwear

Misc
2 sturdy little baskets make entirely out of recycled magazines
dragon salt+pepper shakers
$100
A bunch of dragon fridge magnets
A bizarre little purple stuffed bird thing

Plus, birthday presents soon, since by birthday's on the 2nd, and I'll be going home before then.

D&D Thing

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 10:45:11 GMT

A snippet of cosmology from my D&D campaign, that will be relayed in the words of a partially deceased Eladrin warlock, sometime in the next few weeks...

     Let me tell you a story. You likely know some of it from your own legends, though your version is likely poeted up a bit. This may not be anything like what actually transpired, but this is roughly how the Eladrin tell it.
     When time first began, there was Tiamat, the first primordial, and Ao, the first god. Tiamat was chaos, and Ao was order. Ao took his great sword, and sliced open her belly, from which poured out the full expanse of the elemental chaos. He then began severing each of her five heads, from the neck of each was bore a child; Akadi, Grumbar, Istishia, and Kossuth. As he went to sever her last head, however, she bit him, despite her grievous injury. The breath of his scream became the heavens, and from his spilled blood were born the gods.
     Or alternately I've heard the theory that Ao just knocked Tiamat up, and it was a bitch of a labor from which the multiverse and powers which rule it were born. It doesn't really make a difference.
     At any rate, the universe got made, the few entities running around started filling it with things of their own designs, and sleeping around with each other. And so the immortal dragons and titans were born, and archons and angels were made to serve them. And then the first big fights started, we suspect because Ao and Tiamat's grandchildren all became cosmic nigh-omnipotent teenagers.
     Ao and Tiamat acted to restrain and define the powers and limits of their progeny to force them to play nice, and made the Three Worlds for them to play in; the worlds of Abeir, Shade, and Faerie.
     The immortals set about creating, and the first and greatest of their creations were the giants and dragons, made in the images of their own children. When the Worlds were full, and all was fully formed and created, the giants and dragons were given lordship over all they surveyed.
     The primordials, being of chaos and raw elements, became bored with their creations however, and wanted to shake out the sandbox, level everything so they could start again, and make more and new things, rather than be forced to play with just the toys they'd made, while the gods were proud of their creations, and wanted to see them prosper. So they made demons in their own realms, and taught the creatures who sided with them to call demons from the abyss to the earth, and began trying to unravel creation. They haven't succeeded yet by a long shot, but what they DID succeed at was driving an irreperable rift between the dragons and the giants, fighting to be the more favored children by trying to kill each other ever since.
     For a particularly chilling thought, due to disturb many nights of sleep to come, consider that while the Gods spend their time playing the "worship me and I'll give you power" game with every mortal they can get to listen to them, the Primordials spend their time making new, nastier and nastier demons and ways to unravel creation, and giving mortals as unstable and dangerous power as fast as they can manage, just so they'll use it, for any reason, in hopes of maximum collateral damage.

Quiz time

Tue, 14 Oct 2008 18:25:26 GMT

I AM
75%
BUMBLEBEE Take the Transformers Quiz

The way the quiz was set up, I doubt very many people would come out as decepticons...

Oh bizarre dreams

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 12:08:47 GMT

So, there was a dead transformer that I was trying to get away with, so I stole a fire department pickup and put it in the back; then I crashed it in a lake. The water killed my cell phone, so I was stuck with the driver of the pick-up's but for some reason it couldn't call, and could only text in tic-tac-toe and etch-a-sketch. Somehow I walked from there to a house where Beth's parents lived, though it wasn't their house, and they helped me. I went out to check on the wreck and found my wallet and laptop by the side of the road; my laptop was fine, and my wallet still had cash in it, but was missing my driver's license and credit/debit cards.

wtf.

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 01:16:18 GMT

Zombie Music Meme
Stolen from vayhedruvon

1. Take out your iPod, or your mp3 playing device. Put it on shuffle play.

2. You have to decide if each song is a positive one in terms of survival (songs like Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" or anything that directly references survival, escape or something like that counts double, even something by Survivor, but I reserve the right to laugh at you), or a negative one in terms of survival (Songs by the Zombies, White Zombie, Rob Zombie, about zombies or death or whatnot count double); if you really can't judge the song, just take it as a pass and it does nothing either way for your chances for survival—remember this is entirely up to you to judge.

3. Keep going until you get five songs one way or the other. Five surviving songs means you lived. Five not-surviving songs means you food.

1. Tori Amos- Landslide
"I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
'Till the landslide brought me down"

Not exactly zombie death, but not in my favor. Z 1, me 0.

2. Dark Tranquility- Lethe
"In sharp stabs of pain
Your talonlike fingers to kill me again"

Not doing well. Z 2, me 0.

3. Tori Amos- Cooling
Hmm, not really that far in one way or the other.

4. Tori Amos- Spring Haze
What's with all the Tori?
"So I get creamed
Waiting for Sunday to drown"

Losing pretty fast here. Z 3, Me 0.

5. Nightwish- Walking in the air
"We're walking in the air
We're floating in the midnight sky
And everyone who sees us greets us as we fly"

One for escaping! Z 3, Me 1.

6. Bauhaus- The Man with the X-Ray Eyes
Nothing especially.

7. Type O Negative- Cinnamon Girl
"I wanna live
with a cinnamon girl
I could be happy
the rest of my life
With a cinnamon girl."

Another for living! Z 3, Me 2. Catching up!

8. Audioslave- Exploder
"cuttin me down " and "then i came to realize i had killed myself". Zombies 4, me 2.

9. Mr. Bungle- Dead Goon
As the song seems to be entirely about autoerotic asphyxiation, I'll not count it and move on.

10. Tori Amos- Hey Jupiter
More Tori? Can't place this one either though.

11. Project Pitchfork - Carnival
"No chance to live
Hopes have vanished"

Well, I guess that settles it. Zombies 5, me 2, I get eaten.

Memes

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 05:32:59 GMT

Entertainment Weekly's list of the top movies of the last 25 years. Go through their list and BOLD the ones you have seen and underline the ones you own on video or DVD. Italicize the ones you have only seen parts of and asterisk** the ones you really want to see.

1. Pulp Fiction (1994)
2. The Lord of the Rings trilogy (2001-03)
3. Titanic (1997)
4. Blue Velvet (1986)
5. Toy Story (1995)
6. Saving Private Ryan (1998)
7. Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)
8. The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
9. Die Hard (1988)
10. Moulin Rouge (2001)
11. This Is Spinal Tap (1984)
12. The Matrix (1999)
13. GoodFellas (1990)
14. Crumb (1995)
15. Edward Scissorhands (1990)
16. Boogie Nights (1997)
17. Jerry Maguire (1996)
18. Do the Right Thing (1989)
19. Casino Royale (2006)
21. Schindler's List (1993)
22. Rushmore (1998)
23. Memento (2001)
24. A Room With a View (1986)
25. Shrek (2001)
26. Hoop Dreams (1994)
27. Aliens (1986)
28. Wings of Desire (1988)
29. The Bourne Supremacy (2004)
30. When Harry Met Sally... (1989)
31. Brokeback Mountain (2005)**
32. Fight Club (1999)
33. The Breakfast Club (1985)
34. Fargo (1996)
35. The Incredibles (2004)
36. Spider-Man 2 (2004)
37. Pretty Woman (1990)
38. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
39. The Sixth Sense (1999)
40. Speed (1994)
41. Dazed and Confused (1993)
42. Clueless (1995)
43. Gladiator (2000)
44. The Player (1992)
45. Rain Man (1988)
47. Men in Black (1997)
48. Scarface (1983)
49. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)
50. The Piano (1993)
51. There Will Be Blood (2007)
52. The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad (1988)
53. The Truman Show (1998)
54. Fatal Attraction (1987)
55. Risky Business (1983)
56. The Lives of Others (2006)
57. There’s Something About Mary (1998)
58. Ghostbusters (1984)
59. L.A. Confidential (1997)
60. Scream (1996)
61. Beverly Hills Cop (1984)
62. sex, lies and videotape (1989)
63. Big (1988)
64. No Country For Old Men (2007)
65. Dirty Dancing (1987)
66. Natural Born Killers (1994)
67. Donnie Brasco (1997)
68. Witness (1985)
69. All About My Mother (1999)
70. Broadcast News (1987)
71. Unforgiven (1992)
72. Thelma & Louise (1991)
73. Office Space (1999)
74. Drugstore Cowboy (1989)
75. Out of Africa (1985)
76. The Departed (2006)
77. Sid and Nancy (1986)
78. Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)
79. Waiting for Guffman (1996)
80. Michael Clayton (2007)
81. Moonstruck (1987)
82. Lost in Translation (2003)
83. Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn (1987)
84. Sideways (2004)
85. The 40 Year-Old Virgin (2005)
86. Y Tu Mamá También (2002)
87. Swingers (1996)
88. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)
89. Breaking the Waves (1996)
90. Napoleon Dynamite (2004)
91. Back to the Future (1985)
92. Menace II Society (1993)
93. Ed Wood (1994)
94. Full Metal Jacket (1987)
95. In the Mood for Love (2001)
96. Far From Heaven (2002)
97. Glory (1989)
98. The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999)
99. The Blair Witch Project (1999)
100. South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut (1999)

That's 17/100.

Your result for The Attachment Style Test...

The Cuddleslut

43% Anxiety Over Abandonment and 17% Avoidance Of Intimacy

You're mostly secure, but sometimes you need a little extra reassurance to make it through the tough times. You are usually affectionate and sweet, and you find it easy to fall in love. An encouraging word from a crush or a loved one can motivate you for weeks.

Fictional character with whom you might identify: Kaylee (Firefly/Serenity), Hiro Nakamura (Heroes)

Other Attachment Types:
Secure:	The Unicorn	\|	The Cuddleslut	\|	The Free Agent
Preoccupied:	The Cling Wrap	\|	The Squid	\|	The Insect
Fearful:	The Doormat	\|	The Leper	\|	The Exile
Dismissing:	The Hermit	\|	The Stone	\|	The Player
Confused:	The Waffler

Take The Attachment Style Test at HelloQuizzy

Cuteness

Wed, 28 May 2008 04:21:23 GMT

Squee! Icon made for me by irreverentangel from the end of this (which was sent to me by aikonamika)

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 01:12:26 GMT

My Personality


Neuroticism	48
Extraversion	8
Openness to Experience	78
Agreeableness	73
Conscientiousness	15

You are a calm person who is considered almost fearless by some, however you tend to lack energy and have difficult initiating activities. You tend not to talk much and prefer to let others control the activities of groups. You are reasonably interested in the arts but are not totally absorbed by them. you are mostly a compassionate person, however you prefer to make objective judgments when possible. You have a strong sense of duty and obligation, and feel a moral obligation to do the right thing.

Take a Personality Test now or view the full Personality Report.

Housing

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 13:56:11 GMT

I've been a doing first round of seriously looking for housing for next year... I really don't want to stay in Eatontown, cause while the commute is quite good, the location isn't. And my brother doesn't make a very good roommate for me.

I started by making a list of what I'm looking for.

Things I want in a residence:

* Appliances: stove, oven, dishwasher, washer and dryer
* Enough room for 3 bookshelves
* No obligation to do any kind of yard work
* Ability to walk to groceries
* Monthly cost of $500-$800
* One or more housemates who I'm actually social with
* Within a 45 minute commute from work. Preferably not along the GSP.
(up to 35 miles west along 18 or 30 miles west along 33 are probably best options)

These aren't absolute requirements, just preferences, the more I can meet the better. My current apartment has the green but is missing the red.

The top 3 options I've found so far...

North Brunswick Manor: 32.5 mi (47 min) commute. Where. More Info.
2 Bed 2.5 Bath townhouse. $1495, 1500 sq ft.
(there's also smaller, cheaper apartments there, but they don't have Washers and Dryers. This is a pretty good deal for lots of space.)

Woodhaven Terrace: In Old Bridge. 20.3 mi (26 min) commute. Where. More Info.
2 Bed 2 Bath. $1495, 1339 sq ft
3 Bed 2 Bath. $1625, 1610 sq ft

Avalon at Freehold: 14.3 mi (22 min) commute. Where. More Info.
1 Bed 1 Bath. $1590!, 750 sq ft.
2 Bed 1 Bath. $1510, 920 sq ft
2 Bed 2 Bath. $1675, 1008 sq ft
3 Bed 2 Bath. $2035, 1237 sq ft
(This one is way more expensive than it needs to be.)

So it looks like I need to find 1 or 2 decent roommates.

You know...

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 19:20:44 GMT

Its my 1 year anniversary. And I've pretty much been spending it curled up naked watching Firefly.

Probably not a bad sign.

Florida, Day 3

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 23:50:48 GMT

More WiMAX fun. Including a brief discussion on tapping VoIP lines.

Then we went to the beach in the rain.

My co-worker, Roy, has rather dissimilar tastes in vacation as myself. So he spurred us on to try and beat the rain and the dark so he could go for a run along the beach. Then he was feeling wet and cold and wanted to go back. Meanwhile, I was happily drenched and building sand-castles.

I would happily have stayed there, digging in the wet sand for a few more hours. Much more fun in twilight than oppressive sun. And wouldn't want it warmer.\

Oh well. Now to wash a layer of sand off my legs.

EDIT 11:35: Finished second book, bringing me up to 900 pages devoured.

Florida, Day 2

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 22:38:38 GMT

72 degrees. Supposed to rain soon.

Today we took 8 hours to get through a 22 page presentation. There were about 6 breaks, including free lunch, and probably hundreds of questions. It was fairly enjoyable.

The other trainees are mostly older males. There's 14 of us I think, of which I think 5 are under 30, and I'm one of them. Most of them seem really intelligent and experienced. No girls. And the guy running the training is amusing and British.

Not much more reading yet, so I probably won't finish another quarter of my reading today. Maybe it actually will last me through the week.

Florida, Day 1

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 00:29:23 GMT

In Boca Raton from Sunday to Friday for a training thing for work. Learning how to set up, manage, configure, etc the wimax radios we're deploying on our airships.

Up at 7, car at 8, airport at 9, plane 10-1. Airport stuff for a bit, then tooking the exceptionally scenic route from airport to Boca. Hotel at 3, back along the scenic route to lunch at 3:30. Lunch became dinner; by the time we managed to find parking, and eat, and such it was 6, and then indulging more touristyness, then back to the hotel.

I brought 2000 pages of fiction with me. Thanks to all the transit, I'm through about 450 of it. and the night is still young.

Hopliday Swag!

Wed, 26 Dec 2007 03:20:12 GMT

What I got for xmas:
-Set of good kitchen knives, plus an extra honer, and a sharpening kit. I could now make my swords battle-ready if I so chose. (though it might take a while, and they'd probably break too easily)
-2 plush dragons (one Chinese and one adorable small blue Western)
-3 lighters (need something to light candles, and my mother couldn't find any packaged individually)
-4 music CDs (one 69 Eyes, two Muse, amd one Zeromancer)
-a neck heat pad thingy
-3 novels (2 Stephen R. Donaldson, 1 David Farland)
-a Tea Party poster
-a painting (by my deceased great-grandfather)
-a wooden dragon
-3 small boxes of legos
-external speakers for my ipod
-dragon hanging lights
-a best buy gift card

Sat, 22 Dec 2007 18:58:28 GMT

It has driven home to me repeatedly how unbalanced most of my relationships are. Almost none of them are really on even footing. I initiate the grand majority of my interactions with most of my friends, seek them out for companionship, or to try to cheer them up or take care of them. There aren't very many that seek me out, try to cheer me up, or take care of me.

This is probably in part because I'm not all that outgoing. There have been a few occasions in large social gatherings where friends have mine have actually forgotten I was there, cause I was quiet, and jumped when I spoke up. Perhaps many of my friends just don't think of me because I'm distant and quiet...

In fact, I think the only relationships of mine which are about even are in standpoints of mutual negligence. People who I see or talk to once every few months at most, and have minor attachment to. And I can think of only a tiny handful of people who care more about me than I care about them.

Its strange, how very unbalanced some things get without people even noticing.

Burn me Elmo

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 21:18:15 GMT

Funniest thing I've seen in a while.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iw1DXfeEuUQ

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 07:42:44 GMT

>_<

Lonely, and depressed, and still a little cold, and can't sleep.

Stupid thoughts. Stupid emotions...